The Prince and The Frog
by Stretchprincess
Summary: A WWE take on The Princess and The Frog! Accept it's slash. :) Warnings: M/M situations and perverse humor.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing *cries* I want Jesse!

There once was a conceited prince who lived in the faraway land of...errr...let's just say it was a faraway land. Anyway, he DID have a reason to be narcissistic. His soft golden locks and sparkling white teeth gave him attention from all the maidens in the kingdom. However, he was more obsessed with another part of his body...his ass. Oh LORD, did he have a fine ass. His behind, he believed, was worthy of being the symbol of his country...but for some reason his father the king refused to make it so. What was up with that!?

One day, Prince William Gunn was off practicing his 'swordplay' (hint, hint!) in a quiet part of the nearby forest. After a few hours of 'working on his swordsmanship' (*giggles*) the handsome prince was about ready for a break, and he set off in search of a pretty rock to sit on. After all, he couldn't set his gorgeous bum on an UNWORTHY rock. No. That would be a crime.

He finally found a stone nice enough for his behind after a few hours of searching. Billy was quite proud of his accomplishment. Breathing in the fresh scent of a spring afternoon, he smiled to himself and sat down on the rock, taking a moment to examine the scenery around him. That was when he heard a sudden angry shout, "WHO DARES TO PLACE THEIR POSTERIOR ON THE ROCK!?"

Standing quickly, Billy looked down at the rock with surprise. Had this stone...this inanimate object...just spoken!? He quickly ran a hand over his behind in order to make sure it was still intact after this strange occurrence. Licking his lips nervously, Billy did the only thing he, in his many years growing up as part of the royal family, had been taught to do. He spoke with kindness in order to dispel any intent to harm that the stone might have. It worked in negotiations all the time! "Err...are you speaking to me?"

"DO YOU SEE ANY OTHER IDIOTS SITTING ON THE ROCK!?" It boomed authoritatively. Billy was starting to get worried. He wasn't trained in the ways of fighting a stone... "WHAT'S YOUR NAME, JABRONI!?"

The Prince smiled. Well, that question was easy enough. "I'm Prince William Gunn of a faraway land...which actually isn't that far from here...but everyone calls me Bi-"

The rock interrupted him. "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! YOU, ROODY POO, HAVE THE GALL TO COME TO THE ROCK'S PART OF THE WOOD, PLACE YOUR FAT ASS ON THE ROCK LIKE HE'S SOME ARMCHAIR, AND NOW YOU TRY TO BE NICE TO THE ROCK!?"

"Did you just say I have a fat ass? You must be mistaken." Billy laughed at this, petting his beautiful butt as he did so. "I'll have you know, Stone, that my ass is a masterful piece of work. In your many years of laying here in the forest I'll bet that a nicer behind has never sat on you."

"FIRST OF ALL, I AM NOT 'STONE,' MORON. I AM THE ROCK! SECONDLY, YOUR ASS IS ABOUT AS GOOD-LOOKING AS A PILE OF MONKEY CRAP!"

After this insult, even the gentle Prince William was offended. His ass was NOT a pile of monkey crap. It was beautiful. Not too small and not too big. It was the image of posterior perfection. "Now see here, Rock! I'll have you know that I, as well as my country, take great pride in my ass. It's firm...yet not flat. It's round...yet not plump. Besides, you're one to talk! You don't even HAVE a butt!"

The rock groaned inwardly. Why did his part of the forest always attract idiots? "KEEP BRAGGING AND THE ROCK WILL PERSONALLY LAYETH THE SMAKETH DOWN ON YOUR CANDY ASS, JABRONI!"

"Well, you're right about one thing," Billy said with a proud grin. "My ass is sweet like candy."

"THAT DOES IT!" The rock bellowed with fury. "THE ROCK IS GOING TO TAKE HIS FIST, SHINE IT UP REAL NICE, TURN THAT SON-BITCH SIDEWAYS, AND STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR...UGLY ASS!"

"Ugly ass!?" Billy squeaked with horror. That did it. "It is NOT ugly! You're ugly! I can't believe I even SAT on you! Besides, how can you stick your fist up my ass? You don't even have a fist!" He blinked. A sudden fog had overtaken the wood, and when it cleared Billy found himself staring at a dark-skinned burly man in a leather speedo that had 'THE ROCK' written on it in bold white letters. "Oh..." He mumbled, obviously having been mistaken about this rock. It certainly was special...in its own right.

"What do you have to say for yourself now, Jabroni?" Rock questioned smugly, his raised eyebrow showing blatant superiority

Billy met his challenging stare straight on. "I'll admit it...you have some pretty awesome abs, but that you would DARE to insult my ass when you have that flabby thing hanging off of your back? Get real, Rocky."

Rock glared at the pompous prince. "You dare to refer to the Rock informally? That does it... You, Roody Poo, have gotten on the Rock's nerves. The Rock has seen how proud you are of your ass. It is your everything. It makes you who you are." Billy nodded confidently at his statement. "Well, the Rock CURSES you!"

"Curses my ass!?" Billy gasped with horror. His ass? Cursed!? How would he explain this to all the lovely maidens who wanted to feel the ivory skin of his silky buttocks!?

"No, you idiot, the Rock is going to...aw, hell, you're not worth the time or the effort..." And with these final words Rock began to chant, bringing the magic of his greatness to life. "Bippity, boppity, boo...You are a Roody Poo...who thinks his ass is cool...but just looks like a fool...errrrrr...it doesn't MATTER how the chant goes. Just turn into a frog, Jabroni!"

The forest was shrouded in silence. Then, suddenly, a helpless sound penetrated the serenity. "Ribbit?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing *cries* I want Jesse!

There was another kingdom just a few miles down the road from the faraway land known as DegenerNation X or DX for short. Inside of the magnificent castle of the degenerate kingdom King Helmsly was gazing out of the window at his son with worry. The Prince was reaching the age of marriage but always isolated himself in the courtyard and refused to meet with any of the courtiers his father hired for his enjoyment. "WIFE!" The King shouted, and instantly his bride, dressed in a glamorous white gown, was at his side. "I think I've figured out why Jesse is acting so strangely."

"Hey, Hunter?" The queen questioned.

King Helmsly glanced at his mate curiously. "What is it?"

"WHY THE HELL AM I THE QUEEN!?" Queen Waltman-Helmsly inquired, his dark eyes angered. "I don't WANNA wear dresses all the time! These pantyhose are riding up on me!"

Hunter laughed softly and wrapped a loving arm around his 'wife.' "Don't worry, Baby. It's not the dresses that matter...it's the mind-blowing sex we have afterwards! That's all-male, Seannie."

Sean rolled his eyes. "Why can't I just be a second king? It isn't like anyone would care...practically everyone in this kingdom is gay!"

"Like who?"

"I have two words for you," Sean intoned in an annoyed voice. "The Brood."

Hunter smiled good-naturedly at him. "Well, of course THEY'RE gay. I thought you were going to give me an original couple."

"How the hell do we have a son, Hunter?" Sean asked with sudden puzzlement. "I obviously didn't have him...believe me, I would have remembered that, and you didn't have him...though I would have loved seeing that."

Hunter shrugged. "Ask the stork. I'm just the king of this country. Anyway, forget about that. The point is that we have a son, he's being a complete idiot right now...and I think I know what the problem is!"

Sean gazed at him. "And what's that?"

"Those damn braids!" The King exclaimed, a frown appearing on his face. "They're too tight! Who gave him those things anyway!? If it was another one of Jericho's pranks I'm going to give him a piece of my mind!"

"I've given him plenty of women to choose from!" Helmsly continued, staring out the window at his son who was sitting down on the ground and looking up at the sky dreamily. "Big ones, small ones, fat ones, skinny ones, young ones, old ones-"

"That might be the problem right there," Sean intervened. "Word has come down from the guard that Jesse got a damn good look at Mae Young's puppies..."

Hunter shuddered at this. "Shit...that would scar the kid for life. Hell, that would scar me for life! So that's what's been bothering him! ...Poor Jesse..." Sean nodded his sympathy, resting his head against his husband's shoulder as he gazed out the window at his son who was apparently at peace with the world.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing *cries* I want Jesse!

The fact of the matter was that Jesse James Helmsly was not at peace. In all honesty, he was a mental wreck...and it wasn't just because he had seen Mae Young's puppies though that was definitely a traumatic experience for the young prince.

His problem was somewhat the one that his father had just been describing to his...errr...mother. Jesse was well-aware that the age of marriage was coming up, but for some reason none of the women that his father had provided for him (and believe him when he said that there were some FINE ladies up in that group) had caught his interest. He was looking for more than a pretty face... Jesse wanted a personality to go along with a beautiful physique. A friend...was that so much to ask for?

He didn't have any friends, though his mother and father tried damn hard to be there for him. The only people he had ever talked to besides his family were the court jesters, known informally as the Hardys, the masked captain of the guard...who often didn't make any noise besides a few grunts and maybe a howl when he was angry, and a few random others.

So possessed was the troubled prince by his thoughts that he didn't realize his royal ruby ring, which had been passed through his family for generations and generations, was beginning to slip off his finger. He cried out suddenly. The ring fell off and plunged into the deep pond that he had been sitting next to. It was soon completely engulfed in murky darkness. "Shit!" Jesse yelled, groping wildly in the water for the ring, but all he received for his efforts was wet sleeves. "I can't believe this! Dad is going to fuckin' kill me!"

"Well, we can't have that, can we?" A voice sarcastically questioned. Caught off guard, Jesse looked around for the source of the sudden sound. "Hey, over here." Like that helped the young prince any. "Over HERE, Moron!" Jesse turned...and stared. There was a small frog sitting next to him by the pond. Wait a minute...a frog? "Yeah, a frog," The creature said as if sensing Jesse's question. "So, you lost your ring, eh? What'll you do for me if I get it?"

"You'd get it for me?" Jesse's expression quickly turned to one of joy. "Thank God! Dad would have cracked a chair over my skull again if I had lost it! I'll give you anything you want!"

The frog tilted its large head. Cracked a chair over his skull? Oh well...strange family, he supposed. It wasn't the first he had come into contact with. The last person he had come across liked hitting members of his family with barbed wire or tacks and just happened to be a sock puppeteer on the weekends. "I'll tell ya what, Stud. You're kinda cute...we'll talk price later, all right?" With this, he hopped off of the bank into the dark waters of the pond.

Jesse waited patiently on the grass for five minutes until the frog returned. He breathed out a sigh of relief as he saw the copper ring crowned with a sparkling red jewel secured safely on the frog's arm. He carefully pulled it off before patting the frog on the head gratefully. "You're amazing! How can I ever thank you!?"

"Ah...that's what I was going to get into next," The frog said, and Jesse was almost certain that he saw a mischievous gleam in the amphibian's eyes. "Take me home with you tonight, Stud. It's going to be cold, you know? I don't want to freeze out here."

Jesse thought about this carefully. If his parents caught him talking to a frog then he'd be worse off than if he had lost the ring. However, the frog HAD done him a large favor, and besides, one night couldn't hurt. Having a pet for a little while might even take his mind off of this courtier business. "Sure! That's a small price to pay to get this back!" The Prince told him happily.

At that moment, a loud voice echoed through the garden. "Jesse, get your butt in here and clean up for dinner!"

"Coming!" Jesse called and, scooping the small frog gingerly into his hands, he turned and headed into the castle.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing of the sort.

"So...a prince, are you? I never would have guessed," The frog said with interest as he listened to Jesse shuffling around in the bathroom. "While you were sitting outside today I was watching you, and you seemed pissed off about something."

"Not really pissed off..." Came the muffled reply from beyond the lavatory door. "My dad's pressuring me to find a wife, and, well, I know I have to because I'm nearing the age of marriage, but I just can't find the right person, and I'm afraid that I'm going to be forced to marry someone I don't love."

The frog sighed. "That certainly is a dilemma, Stud, but you're a good lookin' kid. I'm sure you'll find someone that'll suit you." That was when the amphibian froze. Jesse emerged from the bathroom wearing nothing but a black silk pair of boxers. "Hot damn," He muttered under his breath, his glassy eyes skimming over the youth's defined abdomen and chest...and SHIT, he had a damn fine ass!

Jesse glanced at him with confusion, not realizing that the strange looks he was receiving were lustful, before shrugging and walking over to his large closet where his formal clothes were stored. "So, did your last owner give you a name?"

"Owner?" This brought the frog out of his stupor. "I'm not owned by anyone, and I never have been. The name's Billy. What about you, Stud? Have a name?"

"Jesse," The Prince responded with a grin as he slipped a perfectly ironed pair of black pants on. "Jesse James Helmsly to be more exact."

The frog smirked. "Well, I don't need to call you all that," He said cheerfully. "Jesse James Helmsly...it suits you really well though, Stud. Delicate yet extremely masculine."

"Trying to suck up to me?" Jesse questioned playfully, and he gazed at the frog with his eyebrow raised as he began buttoning his white dress shirt. "Well, don't call me all that then. Jesse is fine."

"What about Jess? It's more informal...and you look like a Jess." The frog watched as Jesse slipped his black suit jacket on before going to work on knotting his black tie. "You have to get so fuckin' dressed up just to eat? Damn...you look like you're going to a ball."

"Might as well be," Jesse told him with a sigh. "Dad's going to have a hell of a lot of women there checking me out. Shit...I'm going to be late. Um...what do I do with you while I'm gone? Do you have to stay wet?"

The frog chuckled. "What do you mean by that? I'm going with you, of course. Don't think I'm not going to indulge in spending the rest of the night with you, Jess."

The Prince frowned worriedly at this. What if his dad found out?...or his mom? Sean Waltman-Helmsly could KICK. "But...um...well, you did save my ass by getting that ring back." Jesse picked up the little frog and carefully slipped him into his chest pocket. "Be good in there, all right? If my family sees you I'm dead."

"Don't worry, Stud. I'm not one to cause problems..." Was it Jesse's imagination or had the frog just winked at him?

Jesse was greeted to a horror movie when he entered the dining hall. Well, movies hadn't been invented yet, but this was just as bad if not worse. "And I'm going to let you all see what you want to see! Why should the prince be the only one to get a private show? Ah, there's my little darlin' now! JESS! ARE YOU READY TO SEE MY PUPPIES AGAIN!?"

When the seventy-nine year old woman flipped up her dress Jesse whimpered in agony and covered his eyes, attempting to find his normal seat at the large rectangular table without the ability to see. The frog, who was hidden within the Prince's pocket, had missed the terrifying display and was now gazing up at him with concern. "Hey, Jess, are you all right? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

"She's old enough to be one," Jesse whispered with fright, trembling as he felt a warm hand on his arm lead him towards his seat. A wave of relief washed over him as he realized it was only his 'mother' being protective, but any momentary repose that he had been feeling was completely forgotten when he found Mae Young giving a large black guard a topless belly dance. "Oh God, I don't think I can eat now."

The frog peeped out of Jesse's pocket. "Shit, that gives new meaning to 'how low can you go?' Is THAT one of the women your dad's trying to set you up with!? I can see why you're having a hard time getting married!"

Jesse shook his head, his eyes closed tightly so that he wouldn't have to witness anymore of the repulsive show. "Dad's not trying to set me up with Mae Young...she just kinda invited herself to the kingdom and made herself a courtier. If she somehow convinces my family to make her my wife they'll find me dead the next morning."

"I don't blame you, Stud," The frog muttered, blinking as a long line of fair maidens suddenly entered the room. "DAMN! Now THERE'S some women for you!"

"It's all for show," Jesse mumbled sullenly as the first woman approached his chair. "What's up, Terri?"

The blonde smiled innocently. "You, hopefully. After all...I just entered the room." The frog held back chuckles. That was the worst pick up line he had ever heard in his life. "Let's talk later, Baby." Jesse nodded reluctantly.

"Hi, Jess." The frog examined the next woman. Black hair, exotic...she would be all right except for the fact that she was wearing a dress made out of bubble wrap. "Like what you see?"

"Um...yeah, Kat..." Jesse winced and did his best not to look. "Nice dress..."

"I made it myself," She said in a sultry voice. The frog snickered. A home-made dress. Yeah. That was the way to make a name for yourself in a kingdom. Talk about cheap... "See ya later, Baby."

The next woman came up to bat. "C'mon, Darling. Really...she got a boob job and is still only a, what, 32 c cup? If you want some good times once you become king then you've got to get with a...bigger show...if you know what I'm talking about. Oh, and I'm studying to be a medical assistant on the side." Closing his eyes, the frog struggled against a laughing fit. Talk about a good combination. Brains and boobs. Where the hell had Jesse's dad found these idiots!?

"PICK ME, IDIOT! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Jesse sighed and glanced at the woman who had just approached wearing a leather jacket, a torn white shirt, and...no pants. Well, marrying Luna sure would make for an...interesting...honeymoon to say the very least.

The frog twitched sympathetically when a sharp slap connected with Jesse's face. "You are SUCH A PERVERT, PRINCE!" The ever eccentric Ivory screamed. Suddenly, her expression of fury turned to one of sincere kindness. "Don't worry, though. I'm sure we can work on that when we're married." She then moved on to suck up to Jesse's parents. Continuing to stare up at the Prince, the frog seethed quietly as Jesse's assaulted cheek became red.

"Um...well, I guess that's all the ho's...errrr...maidens I have to see tonight," Jesse muttered thankfully. "I'm eating and then getting the hell out of here."

"That bitch slapped you," The frog grumbled darkly, his eyes narrowing.

Jesse glanced down at the little amphibian. "Don't worry about it," He responded, a half-smile on his face. "That always happens when Ivory's around. I've gotten used to it." When the frog refused to speak, the Prince laughed lightly. "You really do make a cute pet!"

The frog glanced up with confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, look at you!" Jesse said cheerfully. "You're upset because she hit me! I think that's absolutely adorable!"

Obviously flustered, the frog turned his eyes away from Jesse's face, opting to stare at the inside of his pocket instead. "Laugh all you want. I don't like that little troll...or any of those bitches for that matter. You're a smart kid for choosing not to fall for them."

"You'd have to be stupid to fall for them," Jesse muttered with a snort, and the frog agreed whole-heartedly.


End file.
